Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

Auobiography in Five Short Chapters

“I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn't my fault.
It still takes me a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. It's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault. I get out immediately.

walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down another street.”
― Portia Nelson

Sometimes I wonder who came up with the saying "As we grow older we grow wiser?" I’m unsure if I’m wiser now but I do have a greater insight into my ways of being.

There are times when I know exactly what I shouldn't do or say but I do it out of habit, without pausing, without wise moments of breathing. It's called reacting, rather than responding, and I teach about this a lot in my courses.

I am grateful that over the years, my daily meditation practice, has really nourished my responsive side and has given me the space I need to create the pauses.

 My practice has supported me, especially during the difficult times. It has allowed me to be more kind and gentle with myself. There has been less judgement and when I do succumb to the self-critical mode, it takes me a whole lot less time to find my way back out of it again.

 I notice the judgments and the critical voice and without pushing them away or layering more judgment on the judgements. I try to  bring an acceptance and a softness that allows the judgements to leave as quickly as they appeared.

 I wanted to share this poem with you,  to encourage you to be gentle and kind with yourself. I hope that it will resonate with you on many different levels.

 Remember we all fall into the holes in our sidewalk, we can often repeat the unhelpful habits and we often walk down the same street knowing that the same outcome is waiting for us.

 But for now, rather than beat ourselves up and judge our ill habits, see if it's possible to bring a sort of gentleness, an acceptance and an acknowledgement, that this being human is a learning curve and we are all students on this journey of life.